Celebrating Each Other on Thanksgiving – Sharing Wisdom, Legacy, and Joy

This week’s blog post comes from Monica Stynchula. Monica is the Founder & CEO of REUNIONCare, Inc. a health information technology company and Credit For Caring (USPTO Trademark) virtual social worker and e-commerce technology. REUNIONCare, Inc. an SBA certified Women-owned small business.

Monica received her MSW and MPH from the University of Pittsburgh. She is a lifetime member of the Delta Omega Public Health Honor Society. Distinguished Alumnus Recipient at Seton Hill University. She is a graduate of the USA Office of National Coordination HITECH health information specialist completing her designations as HIT Pro and CPHIMSS.

Check out the original post here.

Thanksgiving Traditions

What is it about Thanksgiving that is special for you?   Is it the food, people, places, events associated with this last Thursday in November holiday?  This blog post is personal. The number of Thanksgivings left on my mother’s bingo card is limited.  Thanksgiving celebrations are top of mind after my recent visit with mom. My wish for your gathering is to include and engage your older adult guests with open ears, a curious mind and a kind heart.

Families

There are more generations alive today than in any other time in human history.  Our birth rate fell to 1.1 births per thousand.  The size of an American family dropped to 3.1 by 2022. In fact, our country is graying before our eyes,  the fastest growing demographic is the 75 years and old population.   I am including a button in case you want to geek out on these demographic changes.

There are more generations alive today than in any other time in human history. Our birth rate fell to 1.1 births per thousand. The size of an American family dropped to 3.1 by 2022. In fact, our country is graying before our eyes, the fastest growing demographic is the 75 years and old population. I am including a button in case you want to geek out on these demographic changes.

Large Gatherings May be Challenging for Senior Adults

I gained some important insights on my recent caregiving stay with my mother.  You will need some background for this story. My mother raised seven children. She was married over fifty years.  She has been widowed for fourteen years living alone four hours west of where she raised her family and grew up herself.

Ten members of our family gathered for lunch and an afternoon visit at her place.  In all, four generations of family members spent the afternoon together. For lunch, she sat at the head of the table.  She had eyes and ears on the entire crew.  Within minutes, she was overwhelmed by the wide-ranging loud conversations happening at the table.  She raised her arms and announced that everyone should “turn the volume down” on the table chatter. I watched her face twist in anguish as she attempted to focus on one conversation while blocking out all the other activity.  After four hours of the visit, she was happy to say good-bye to her guests and return to her quiet life.  She took a two-hour nap.

The Push and Pull of Aging

My mom’s reaction represents a potential reaction of your senior guests at Thanksgiving. I watched my mother as she struggled tolerate the chaos of that visit. Your guests may struggle too.  My visit taught me important lessons about the push and pull of wanting control and the desire to leave a legacy during the last decades of life. My mother wanted to be heard and pass on her experiences to save younger generations some of the painful lessons she endured. I suspect some of her frustration came from wanting to reprimand some of the youngsters but her time for parenting has long passed. In her mind, she wanted to rise up from her seat, but her declining health and mobility had her pinned down. The visit, I believe, made her sad thinking about those who should be present but have passed. In all, I felt like my mother wanted to return to her honored place of authority, vitality and the bygone days and the people she loved and lost.

Thanksgiving Suggestions For Your Oldest Guests

Your guest may be like my mother who struggled to maintain control in situations where her ability and influence are diminished. There is not a stage in our lives where we do not change.  The issue with our last decades is not our own changes but the younger generations adjustment to our reality.  Think of the role reversals when parents and grandchildren become caregivers of their older family members.  Here are my recommendations for Thanksgiving Day joyous for your guests.

  • Set aside a quiet retreat for older adults.
  • Add conversation starters to the Thanksgiving table like old family photos or written questions about their childhood.
  • Monitor the room volume (tv, music, video games, pets)
  • Reserve chairs with sturdy arms for older guest
  • Be mindful of dietary Issues and preferences
  • Remove tripping hazards like throw rugs, pet toys, electrical cords, shoes, and other objects that may go undetected by an older adult.
  • Equip bathrooms with cleansing cloths and incontinence supplies.
  • Let them set their arrival and departure time.

Happy Thanksgiving!